Why bash your banana round whilst carrying it in your hand when you can buy a banana guard.

Only the best for your banana!

Buy it for your girlfriend at Christmas, watch her grab your banana and load it into the banana guard, she won’t be bashing that for a while! eh-oh…

Amongst the stack of reading materials in Tesco, I managed to find an amusing collection of comics and children books. This one specifically made my belly explode with chuckle power.

They call it – “Grandpa in my pocket” – Notice the fact that it’s a “special magazine”.

I… I just can’t breathe… Oh please, help, stop me laughing. I just can’t help but think of the old man in Family Guy – ” ‘Sssscuse me Ssssssonnyy “.

I can’t believe they gave this children’s magazine such a sworded name.

Look at the positioning of that poor boy… He sure does look surprised to find that Grandpas “cap” is shrinking.

I was on holiday in Gran Canaria for a week… I get one text during that whole time and it said “Interesting news, Coffee machine blew up”…

I mean, it’s kinda funny when your swimming in a pool in 37 degrees heat drinking cocktail after cocktail after beer after whatever that drink is after more and more alcohol… but damn is that freaking crazy. That poor women who got absolutely pwned, hope she does allright etc…

Want a coffee?… KABOOM!

Ok so here’s a quote from a proper long news article about what happened… Probably should click through and read up on this crazy shit.

Mail Online: “It went off like a bomb yesterday in Sainsbury’s, in Farnborough, Hampshire, blasting a hole in a wall and injuring 15 people.”

Enjoy your cup of coffee…

I just drove back from the garage with my beautiful new Mazda 6 MPS. Oh boy oh boy was it fast!!! not only that, due to the turbo lag, you get a pretty smooth drive around town if needs be, and on the motorway you can gun it like a boy racer.

Amazingly fun, what a great piece of machinery!

Here is a picture of my new baby:

Do they attack as I climb into their world and spread the word?

Do they fear the world they enter as I pull them in?

Hardman Skateboards have been working damn hard to get something going and they’re doing a flipping good job so far. I want you all to see what ambition and hard work can achieve.

They’re creating personalised skateboards by buying good quality decks and spraying they’re own emotional juices on the bottom (Yum).

I personally recommend visiting they’re Facebook page where you can look at they’re upcoming collection of graphics and designs.

Excellent work!

“Wipe that look off yer face!”

“Get away from me you freak!”

“You got eyes like teabags…”

“He’s a fucking drunk!”

“Can I have milk in my tea please?”

“I like that new song on the radio.”

“I don’t really like coffee.”

“I did read it, It just doesn’t make sense.”

“Do you want to go nightclubbing?”

“I didn’t understand that movie, it was shit.”

“Do you have a Facebook account?”

“A journey of life can be difficult.” Said the old man.

“Presented with a treacherous sea, he; as a lonely entity, is faced with the battle against his self, his soul, his being and beliefs. After all, belief is all he has.

He notices others around him enjoy their lives and seemlessly understand what their cause is. The light shines down on him and he acknowledges his goal but does not yet understand it.

He observes an island in the distance with a mountain so high, its peak is swallowed in the clouds above. He approaches the island but jagged rocks destroy his ship and send him hurling on to the beach.

He is one, no longer just an entity. He belongs. While looking up, an overpowering fear surrounds him from the loneliness he faces.

While climbing the mountain, he stumbles, brakes, bruises and cuts himself but finally reaches a flattened peak. There he welcomes the help of another who is on such a similar journey.

Together they are in love and become one through understanding, reliability and strength but beyond the clouds an impossible challenge surely lies ahead. The farthest visible point beholds the most glorious light. A guidance perhaps and most certainly the answer to their journey.

Together through thick and thin they heave themselves over the last peak and step into the light.

Family, friends and spirits all greet the newcomers with warmth. They have all been on a similar journey and are now as one, as he and his other become one with them. And behold the light.”